Did you know turkey actually makes you fall asleep? I figured that was just because people ate too much of it and got the itis, but it actually has a chemical in it that makes you drowsy. How is this acceptable? Turkey is like the legal date-rape drug. Don't accept club sandwiches from strangers, kids. You'll end up sloppily undressed in the spare bedroom, covered in bodily fluids and with a sore feeling in your nethers. Eat turkey with a designated driver, if you must partake of it, and in moderation. How is this legal and weed not, by the way? We should illegalize turkey. PEOPLE FEED IT TO THEIR CHILDREN. THINK OF THE CHILDREN. Am I the only one who grasps the gravity of the situation? Don't do turkey, kids. It doesn't make you cool. Tobacco is whacko and turkey is... a date-rape substance. I can't think of anything that rhymes with turkey.